


Bonds Borne of Heartache

by addicted_2_manga



Series: Akira: Subclass of Melancholy [3]
Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Akira's having a tough week, Gen, Original Trans Character - Freeform, Trans Male Character, Tsurugi lends him a sympathetic ear, Vent Piece, Watanabe Akira, hints of angst, very brief and vague allusion to past suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17518304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addicted_2_manga/pseuds/addicted_2_manga
Summary: Akira, one of Tsubaki's subclass, has been having a very rough week. You could say he's reliving the existential crisis he thought he'd left behind in his mortal life. He decides it's time to seek out his favourite rent-a-friend.I wrote this piece as a way to vent my feelings as I had my own existential crisis kind of day. Go me! > .>





	Bonds Borne of Heartache

       Akira had accomplished a goal, of sorts. He had formed a connection to the unprincipled Suicide Captain of C3. All it took was a little cash, and Tsurugi was instantly one of his closest confidants. He realized it didn’t count as a friendship in the traditional sense; and he was most careful to make himself scarce whenever he spotted Tsurugi with his combat squad, or moving with a sense of paid purpose. In the end, Akira was happy with what he could get if only it meant he could spend an hour or two living in his own personal fantasy land. He was good at finding under the table work when he felt he really needed to. Usually, though, he just appealed to Nai’s generosity and the fact that she liked the thought of a romance blooming between her best friend and his dream mage.

       That particular week had been a rough one for the subclass storyteller. He’d spent entirely too much time dwelling on concerns he felt he ought to have left behind under that tree in Aokigahara forest. Even some of the subclass he didn’t necessarily interact with much had started passing comment on the lack of ‘Akira Storytime’, with a clear hint of concern to their jokes. Akira closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

       “I’ve read this same sentence like ten times.” He closed the book he’d been attempting to read and shoved it into his tote with a defeated frown. He shifted focus to the 7-11 across the street as he slipped a hand into his hoodie pocket and fingered the folded 10,000 Yen bill he’d gotten from Nai that morning. “I wonder if he’ll show up today,” Akira muttered.

       “Not very observant today, are we, Aki-chan?” A taunting voice came from behind him, just by his left ear. “That could really cost you someday.”

       “Tsu-Tsurugi!” Akira jumped up off the bench and swirled around to face the wily C3 agent. He was relieved to find the ravenette wearing street clothes and an amused grin. “Ummm, are you free right now?” Akira took the bill from his pocket and held it up for Tsurugi to see with a faint smile, “I could really use someone to talk to.”

       “For my best client? Of course! It’s a little warm today, don’t you think, Aki-chan? Let’s go sit in the shade.” Tsurugi threw casually over his shoulder as he started off towards a nearby tree, further into the park grounds. Akira put the money back into his pocket and followed eagerly.

       “Well, to start…” Akira said as he plopped down onto the ground and leaned back against the tree trunk, “I’m kind of…. not…” Akira let out a nervous chuckle as he met Tsurugi’s golden gaze with a flushed face.

       “Not biologically a man?” Tsurugi finished with a soft smile.

       “Ummmm… no.” Akira stared at Tsurugi, dumbfounded.

       “You pass really well,” Tsurugi offered as he let his eyes travel up and down the anxious subclass sat next to him. “But… I’ve been close enough to you enough times to tell.” Tsurugi shrugged. “You hide your chest very well. And you do seem very masculine.” He added almost apologetically.

       “Th-thank you.” Akira had to jerk his gaze down to the ground for a solid minute as he waited for the furious blush on his face to die down. It took even longer when Tsurugi let out an uncontrollable laugh that seemed to scream “cute, cute”.

       Finally, Akira was able to bring his face back up and look Tsurugi in the eyes. “Well, ummm, yeah. I was born a girl. It’s kind of how I ended up here.” Akira gestured awkwardly to himself. “My parents were alright with it for a while… or, it seemed like they were. They treated me like a son.” A heavy sigh forced its way past Akira’s lips and he shrugged before continuing with a weak smile. “Then my brother was born and I realized they’d only been that way because they thought I was their only chance to have a son. All of a sudden… I had to be… a girl. Only I didn't know how. I didn't want to be one. I never had been one. I-” Akira stopped abruptly to take a few deep, centering breaths. He noticed only then that he’d curled his fingers into fists in his lap and his face had contorted into a mask of anger. He studied Tsurugi’s patient expression and was amazed to find not a trace of shock or nerves. The smiling raven seemed to accept him just as he was in that moment, as if maybe he even understood.

       “Well,” Akira began carefully, trying to keep himself in check even if Tsurugi didn’t mind the raw emotion, “it was just. Hard. And confusing. Sometimes… it felt as if I didn’t even exist. I always wondered what I was. I never felt… valid. I felt like a ghost- as if I only existed if someone else assigned a role to me. I’m… not even making sense am I...” Akira paused to look past Tsurugi’s shoulder and unfocus his eyes as he collected his thoughts.

       Tsurugi’s face paled and his eyes widened in astonishment as he recognized the wave of empathy surging through him. He’d never thought he’d understand so much of another person, let alone a subclass that he was technically supposed to eliminate. Akira’s words softened in Tsurugi’s ears as he thought of his own situation- one of C3’s mad dogs, Touma’s Ace rather than Tai-chan’s chosen family. Not even his name was something he could say was truly his. It only reinforced what he was- a tool, something for others to use. Tsurugi had never been given the freedom to be anything else, to have something all his own, to make his own decisions.

       He had, however, been given the freedom to live; and it was that fact that kept his loyalty shackled to Touma, kept him from trying to proclaim some independence and to have the kind of relationship he truly wanted with his surrogate brother, to seek out the life he really wanted. Tsurugi had to bite down on the inside of his lip to shake himself out of his thoughts when an image of Mikuni flashed through his mind. He brought his attention back to the odd subclass before him and as Akira continued to unburden himself, Tsurugi was filled with the urge to do something, anything, to take the man’s misery away. Tentatively, Tsurugi reached out and put a hand on Akira’s shoulder.

       Akira was stunned to silence. He turned his head and looked down at Tsurugi’s hand in wonder a moment before raising his eyes to meet the older man’s surprisingly wet gaze. “A-are you ok, Tsurugi?” He asked as he did his best not to lose his cool at the unexpected physical contact.

       Tsurugi offered Akira a small, but genuine smile. “I’m fine, Aki-chan. I’m fine. And so are you.” He gave the vampire’s shoulder a gentle squeeze and a pat before letting go. “You’re quite the beautiful man, Akira.” His usual teasing tone slowly crept back into his voice as he continued, “And this time, I’m not saying that because you’ve paid me to.” Tsurugi stood up with a fond chuckle. “I’m glad you weren’t afraid to approach me. And I appreciate the regular business,” he added with a smirk as Akira stood up and slung his tote bag over his shoulder.

       Returning the flirty smirk with a grateful smile, Akira held out the 10,000 Yen for Tsurugi to take.  
  
       “No, Aki-chan.” Tsurugi shook his head and gave a dismissive wave. “No charge today. Just be sure to pay me double next time, hmmm?” Before Akira could react, Tsurugi gave him a playful wink and slipped away.

       Akira remained where he stood a few moments, arm still outstretched, bill crisp and unaccepted in his hand. Mind slowly processing what had just happened, he pulled his arm back in, slipped Nai’s money back into his pocket and turned on his heel to head home. Though he didn’t realize it in that moment, Akira had accomplished a goal. He had made a friend of the infamous Suicide Captain of C3.


End file.
